Cuisine: I hope they don't pick anything else before the tea!

I was in a Teavana at my local mall, and I noticed that they had some oolong tea that cost like 40 dollars an ounce or some shit. Apparently, monkeys are trained to pick tea in China. One company's china monkey tea has been discussed on many blogs, but I couldn't seem to find a discussion of the elephant in the room. Isn't this clearly exploitation of animals? If not, how long will it take to train a monkey to sew a pair of GAP jeans? Is this a nonissue until we deal with the despicable working conditions of HUMAN tea pickers, who are hopped up on betel nuts 24/7?

This is the best video on YouTube about monkey picked tea. It's, entitled "Stories with John episode 6," in which a man, probably John, relays his British story of watching monkeys do it (giggle).

Although unrelated to monkey tea, I'm sure the rest of John's videos are also enjoyable. He reminds me of Commander McBragg, from the segments on the Rocky & Bullwinkle show about the old, stuffy, jingoist British adventurer.

What the hell was I talking about? Oh, monkeys. The joke in the title is really bad, but I was referring to this. We should stop this animal training nonsense before it gets out of hand, and someone tries to use pigeons to drop bombs!

Recreation: Crash 2 - Electric Boogaloo

Sorry about the space between posts, faithful readers. At this point, though, I am beginning to suspect you are just Tonedef and myself.

I want to point your attention to this Youtube video. It's been around a while, but I stumbled onto it only recently. It's called bike messengers are on crack. It's a terrifying, lovely piece of videography, making it almost kind of fun to freak out about what looks like an inevitable bus-to-bike collision to the glottal stops of Broken Social Scene.



I don't know that I'll ever be cool or brave or not smoking enough to bike like these people, but maybe that's okay. If you've ever read Lynn Breedlove's novel Godspeed (do), then you know there might actually be a good chance these guys are on crack.

Fine Arts: Elder Abuse

A few posts ago, Ziggity detailed the fine art of feeding lemons to babies. Well, this post will reveal what happens when those babies grow up.

Everyone between the ages of 16 and 24 has filmed themselves reacting to 2girls1cup, so I won't bother linking to any of those. If I need to tell you what the video is, then you don't use the internet enough. These reactions are all really uninspired and boring. What I want to bring to you today is a subclass of this phenomenon. Young people who show the videos to their grandmothers and then film the reactions.



Classic. There are actually dozens of videos of people filming their grandmothers watching the infamous video. Check 'em out.

Cuisine: Here, put this in your mouth

Century eggs are duck or chicken eggs which have been stored in clay or ash for several weeks and then exhumed. According to Wikipedia, the tradition probably started as a method of trying to preserve sources of protein in times of plenty. Apparently, though, people couldn't get enough of the sulfurous smell and stomach-neutralizing alkalinity.

Despite these unappetizing aspects, century eggs are very pretty to look at. The process turns the yolk green and the white a transparent, jewel-like brown. Though I'd approach actually eating one cautiously, myself, I think I would feed one to a baby or something.


Because I can't get through a post without a YouTube video, here's one of an unseen man forcing some girl to eat one of these undead eggs. You're welcome.

Tonedef claims to have eaten one by accident in some dim sum in Chinatown, and it gave him the runs.

Fine Arts: It's in the Ether

As I have to pack for a weeklong vacation, this seems like a great time to make a blog post. I've always had a fascination with theremins- you know, the only instrument that is played but never touched. Léon Theremin invented the device in 1919, and his other claim to fame is the invention of the motion sensor, which was used in the Russian Civil War. He was also awarded the Stalin Prize in 1947 for inventing an incredible eavesdropping device. But you can read the Wikipedia article all by yourself (more productivity down the drain!).

The real reason I'm writing this post is to show you what people are doing with the damn thing. In the 60's, we only used it for the background music for Scooby Doo, but the following video is an incredible example of what folks are playing now. It begins with an explanation of the device, and then the guy rips into "Video Killed the Radio Star." Incredible.



There are even multiple youtube users whose videos are dedicated to the art of thereminism. Check them out- if nothing, I admire their dedication to a ridiculous, novelty instrument, and their ability to squeeze really entertaining performances out of the thing. Now to see if I can't play Ain't 2 Proud 2 Beg on mine. I'll post the video on YouTube when I'm done.

Human Interest: NSFW (nonsensical sexual fib wrangling)

Alexyss K. Tylor is the host of a public access show that broadcasts in Atlanta, Georgia. In attempting to retrieve a brief biography of her, I turned to wikipedia, where her name does not occur once. I've included a sample episode on her show below.



Her clips instantly caused me to recall the popular post label, "NSFW." Not only is Alexyss completely unprofessional and uninformed, she presents things in the most absurd, confrontational, vulgar way possible. "They asshole done fell out"??? "THey got King Kong dicks up they ass"???? In case you were wondering, that's her mother sitting across from her. We could muse on the fact that all of both of their arguments are hinged on dubious anecdotes and sensationalistic speculation, but why don't we just check out her YouTube account instead? There's enough material here to get you fired from any job imaginable, unless you're a crack slinging male prostitute with a King Kong dick.

Politics: Paula's (Labor) Party (Suppression)

Paula Deen, of Food Network fame, has recently been caught in the middle of a Union battle between Smithfield Ham and their employees, who argue that the company has repeatedly suppressed workers' attempts to unionize, and who insist that they aren't offered suitably safe working conditions. In the meat processing business, this can get pretty ugly.

I'm sort of shocked by how strongly worker's rights groups and celebrities have come out to criticize Smithfield for their practices, but it's the company's corporate spokesperson, Ms. Deen, who had been fighting the battle at the front lines. Check out the vast repository of content on YouTube related to the controversy.



Who new that our favorite butter-soaked southern belle had some skeletons in her closer? And fingers in her sausages?